Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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