What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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