Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
