The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
