I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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