Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
