I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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