A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
no you cant smoke seaweed
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
