The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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