I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
