I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
