His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize