so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
a search helicopter?!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
