Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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