Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize