the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
