I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
