just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
