Buhtt sex?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I intend to get homeless drunk
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
