I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
