you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
ttyl tear gas
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
