How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
