I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
