Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
