Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize