If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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