Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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