Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
