Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
