Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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