I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
