Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
