the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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