Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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