Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize