You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
