If i come over, it means nothing
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
