i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
