So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have aggressive nipples.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize