you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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