you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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