i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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