I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
