I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
