____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
