i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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