Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
