I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
