I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
