fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
