I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
