smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
