I wish I could punch you in the face.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
