I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
