The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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