the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize