Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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