He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
