I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
