Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize