I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i will never coherently bang her
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
