Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize