I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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