i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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