WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
