I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
