I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
