That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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