the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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