So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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