oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
