You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize