I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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