She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
