It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
