There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
