She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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