I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
