Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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