I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
