Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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