lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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