whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
