FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
