i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
