On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
