You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up under a house in Key West
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