It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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