Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
