i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
