Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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