Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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