I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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