I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
