I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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