How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
