Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
